OutProud - Adolescence, Sexual Orientation & Identity

Adolescence, Sexual Orientation & Identity
An Overview

By Warren J. Blumenfeld
Reprinted with permission.

Adolescence is usually an exciting though conflicting stage of enormous change in a person's life. Though not a particularly easy period for most young people, for heterosexual adolescents, social and educational structures are in place to support their emerging sexual identity formation. Through the process of socialization, their feelings are validated and mirrored by their peers, by supportive adult role models, through course materials and class discussions, and by positive portrayals in the media. School and home environments (primary places of socialization) permit them the opportunity to openly explore and rehearse behaviors necessary for the development of interpersonal skills and formation of their identities.

The situation is often quite different for young people experiencing same-sex attractions. Though some young people do come to terms fairly early with their lesbian, gay, or bisexual orientation and have little difficulty gaining the support they need, with the enormous peer pressure to conform to a heterosexual standard, coupled with the social stigma surrounding homosexuality and lack of support systems in many quarters, many young people turn inward.

When discussing the field of adolescent development, three crucial terms stick out. These are: 1. COMPLEXITY, 2. COMPLEXITY, and 3. COMPLEXITY. Having stated this, even though adolescent development does not lend itself to easy answers or analysis, some general definitions can be given to contextualize this life phase.

Terminology

Jeff is a star athlete. In fact, at sixteen, he is the youngest captain in the history of his high school's football team. Other sports he excels in include baseball and soccer. In two years, he hopes to be accepted to college on a sports scholarship.
Margot also enjoys sports. This year, she led her high school basketball team to win the state championship. Each morning she comes to school early to practice her jump shots and lift weights to increase her strength and endurance.
Leslie prefers reading Victorian novels and writing for her high school newspaper. Her favorite classes are English and Home Economics. She also loves children and wants very much to become a second grade teacher. She also plans to have two or three children of her own one day.
Michael has an ear for both languages and music. In addition to English, he speaks fluent Spanish and French and plays violin in his school and community orchestras. As a member of his high school drama club, he performed one of the lead roles in this year's production of A Chorus Line.

Some people think they can usually tell who is gay or lesbian by a person's interests or appearance. All right, for those of you who think this is true, take a moment and write the numbers for the individuals above who you think are lesbian or gay?

OK, time is up. Which numbers did you write down? Did you write 1? 2? 3? 4? Did you write all of the numbers? one of them? two? three? none?

Well, as most of you are probably aware by now, the correct answer is: "Who knows." With the information given above, there is no reasonable way of knowing the sexual identity of these individuals. Though some people may look or behave according to certain stereotypes, unless people tell us, we have no way of knowing their sexual identity.

If we think we can accurately determine most persons' sexual identity by appearance and interests alone, then in all likelihood we are confusing a number of separate and distinct components of what together have come to be called "Gender and Sexual Identity." These components include:

Biological (sometimes referred to as Chromosomal) Sex: This can be considered as our "packaging" and is determined by our chromosomes (XX for females, XY for males); our hormones (estrogen and progesterone for females, testosterone for males); and our internal and external genitalia (vulva, clitoris, vagina for females, penis and testicles for males). About 4% of the population can be defined as "Intersexuals" born with biological aspects of both sexes to varying degrees.

(Core) Gender Identity: This is the individual's innermost concept of self as "male" or "female" -- what we perceive and call ourselves. Individuals develop this generally between the ages of 18 months and 3 years. Most people develop a gender identity aligning with their biological sex. For some, however, their gender identity is different from their biological sex. We call these "transsexuals," some of whom hormonally and/or surgically change their sex to more fully match their gender identity.

Gender Role (sometimes called Sex Role): This is the set of socially-defined roles and behaviors assigned to females and males. This can vary from culture to culture. Our society recognizes basically two distinct gender roles. One is the "masculine": having the qualities or characteristics attributed to males. The other is the "feminine": having the qualities or characteristics attributed to females. (A third gender role, rarely, though possibly increasingly, condoned in our society, is androgyny combining assumed male (andro) and female (gyne) qualities.) Some people step out of their assigned gender roles or "crossdress" (wearing the clothing traditionally reserved for the other sex). Though not universal or even precise, some of the terms used to identify these individuals include "transvestites" (often heterosexual men and women who "crossdress"), "Drag Queens" (male homosexuals who "crossdress"), "Drag Kings" (female homosexuals who "crossdress"). Our society seems to have a higher tolerance for crossing the gender role of females then for males.

Affectional Orientation: This is determined by whom we feel comfortable "hanging out" with, whom we are close to in a primarily non-erotic way. Most people seem to have a "Bi-affectional" orientation -- with individuals of both sexes.

Sexual (or Erotic) Orientation: This is determined by whom we are sexually (or erotically) attracted -- our sexual/erotic drives, desires, fantasies. Categories of sexual orientation include homosexuals -- gay, lesbian -- attracted to some members of the same sex; bisexuals, attracted to some members of both sexes to varying degrees; heterosexuals, attracted to some members of the other sex; and asexuals, attracted to neither sex. Some sexuality researchers suggest that pederasts (or pedophiles) -- adults sexually/erotically attracted to children) might constitute a separate category of sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation is believed to be influenced by a variety of factors including genetics and hormones, as well as unknown environmental factors. Though the origins of sexual orientation are not completely understood, it is generally believed to be established during early childhood, usually before the age of five. (1)

In 1973, the American Psychiatric Associated voted to eliminate homosexuality from its list of disordered mental conditions, referring to it rather as a variation in sexual orientation. Two years later, the American Psychological Association followed suit by resolving that, "Homosexuality per se implies no impairment in judgment, liability, or general societal or vocational capabilities," and urged psychologists "to take the lead in removing the stigma of mental illness long associated with homosexual orientations." (2)

Still today, however, some clinicians hold views contrary to these written policies and many are ill-equipped to council LGBT clients. In one study, nearly two-thirds of school guidance counselors surveyed expressed negative attitudes and feelings about homosexuality and LGBT persons. Though most of these counselors reported knowing at least one LGBT student, few felt prepared to work with this population. (3)

Some prospective teachers seem likewise unprepared to respond supportively. Sears found that 80 percent of prospective teachers surveyed harbored negative feelings toward LGBT students. Those pursuing certification in elementary education were more likely to express homophobic attitudes than those planning to teach in the secondary schools. (4) A number of studies found that an overwhelming majority of school administrators would dismiss a teacher for disclosing her or his homosexuality to students and concluded that educators, in general, lack sufficient knowledge and training to address the needs and concerns of students with same-sex feelings. (5)

Sexual Behavior: This is what we do sexually and with whom. Though the culture has little or no influence over a persons' primary sexual attractions (sexual orientation), our culture can heavily influence peoples' actions and sexual behaviors. For example, one may have a "homosexual" orientation, but due to overriding condemnations against same-sex sexual expression, may "pass" by having sex only with people of the other sex.

Sexuality researcher Alfred C. Kinsey and his colleagues devised a seven-point scale to chart the full spectrum of human sexual behavior, with "0" representing those whose histories are exclusively heterosexual, and "6" for those who are exclusively homosexual in behavior. Others were placed along the scale depending on the percentage of heterosexual or homosexual sexual acts in relation to overall behavior. Kinsey's findings and other studies also suggest that sexuality is indeed more fluid and complex than once believed.

Sexual Identity: This is what we call ourselves. Such labels include "lesbian," "gay," "bisexual," "bi," "queer," "questioning," "undecided" or "undetermined," "heterosexual," "straight," "asexual," and others. Sexual identity evolves through a multi-stage developmental process, which varies in intensity and duration depending on the individual.

Our sexual behavior and how we define ourselves (our identity) is usually a choice. Though some people claim their sexual orientation is also a choice, for the vast majority, this doesn't seem to be the case.

The question might then arise, "Because sexual identity is a personal decision arising from certain socially-constructed categories, why would anyone feel compelled to define her/himself in these terms, since labels are best left to jars and cans." Some people, in fact, choose not to define themselves. Possibly, in an ideal world devoid of homophobia, few people would construct a personal identity based on sexual orientation. Since we do not live in this ideal world, however, people define themselves to assure their visibility in a society that wishes to shove them into a closet of denial and fear, and to associate with others who have constructed similar identities.

In summary then, the above categories represent a framework for looking at aspects of behavior and identity. Though sometimes connected, these aspects are, for the most part, distinct and unrelated. Though stereotypes and myths persist, most gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, do not feel they are trapped in the body or want always to wear the clothing traditionally worn by members of the other sex; transsexuals are not always gay, lesbian, or bisexual in orientation; and not all people who have sex with others of the same sex self-identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

"COMING OUT" IDENTITY STAGE MODELS (6)

Researchers have developed theoretical models charting the coming-out process. Three models discussed below include those of Richard R. Troiden, Vivienne Cass, and Eli Coleman. These researchers pattern their theories after the multi-stage models of personality development pioneered by people such as sociologist Charles Horton Cooley, philosopher George Herbert Mead, and psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud and Erik Erikson, who believed that personal identity develops along an interactive process between the individual and his or her environment. Such models may differ in their specific view of human development but all share the basic assumption that humans move through life experiences within a particular framework. This framework provides a means by which one can understand the process an individual is experiencing and also to predict what form future stages might take. In addition, an awareness of these stages enables the individual to gauge her or his relation to other individuals who are having or have had similar experiences.

These models have been suggested as explanatory frameworks for a variety of human processes. For example, Lawrence Kohlberg describes stages of moral development, Jean Piaget outlines stages of sensory/motor development, and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross charts five stages in the process of coming to terms with death.

It must be emphasized that the coming-out models presented below merely depict general patterns and each person comes out in different ways under unique circumstances. Studies suggest that the coming-out journey that begins with an early awareness of feelings of difference to the development of an integrated identity takes many years. Some people move more quickly than others. And some may become stuck and never progress to the final stages. The reasons why people move from stage to stage, or fail to move, are very complex. Theorists have stressed, however, that societal attitudes are important in affecting the development of a person's positive identity.

It is important to mention that males and females tend to differ slightly at points within the process. In the past, females tended to come out and have same-sex experiences slightly later than their male counterparts, though this gap has almost disappeared in resent years. In addition, during the later stages of the coming-out process, both males and females can and do form stable and strong relationships. This tends to be true, however, more in the case of females than males. These apparent differences may say more about the disparity in the attitudes and behaviors of males and females in general than about the differences particular to gay males and lesbians. This difference, too, has begun to disappear in recent years.

Gilbert Herdt has discovered other variables in the coming out process:

Adolescents who behave in "gender unconventional" ways, and who have had same-sex sexual experiences, tend to travel through the developmental stages -- especially the earlier stages -- quicker because they seem to have less sexual identity confusion and less chance of hiding. Adolescents who more closely conform to gender role expectations and have had heterosexual sexual experiences seem, at least initially, to have greater sexual identity confusion.
Family support will facilitate smoother passage through the stages, while lack of support will delay this passage.
Adolescents from working class families with more highly defined gender roles and expectations, are more likely to engage in gender unconventional behaviors.
Families with strong "ethnic" backgrounds tend to reject gay and lesbian adolescents less, to preserve the family unit. However, this "acceptance" often comes with the assumption that the child may be "damaged but our own," which can hurt the child's self esteem.
Coming out can be likened to the anthropological model of an "adolescent rite of passage." This rite has been made possible by a greater visibility and shared sense lesbian/gay/ bisexual/transgender communities, supporting and making the way easier for young people.
The coming out process is particularly difficult for ethnic, racial, and religious minority youth, since sometimes they feel they must abandon a central identity in taking on a new one. The loss must be acknowledged as a ritual death, before a newly negotiated relationship to minority status can be assumed along with a sexual identity.
The problems sometimes faced in the coming out process, e.g. depression, substance abuse, suicide, etc., are related to stigma and rejection more than to confusion over desires or inability to form intimate relationships. (7)

* * * * *

Richard R. Troiden believes that sexual identities (perceptions of self as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, even asexual) are fundamentally social in origin. He offers a four-stage model for the charting of the gay and lesbian coming-out process. Troiden states that only a small portion of all people who have had "homosexual experiences" actually adopt lesbian or gay identities. The process is likened to a horizontal spiral, like a spring lying on its side. Progress through the stages occurs in back-and-forth, up-and-down ways, and develops within a climate of stigmatization. (8)

Stage 1: Sensitization

This stage occurs before puberty, when the individual experiences general feelings of marginality and perceptions of being somehow different from same-sex peers. This sense of difference stems more from social interests or behaviors considered gender neutral or gender atypical, though it can also stem from feelings of sexual interest in others of the same sex.

Stage 2: Identity Confusion

During early adolescence, this stage is emphasized by an inner turmoil and uncertainty surrounding sexual identity: a time of "identity limbo" before the individual develops perceptions of self as "gay" or "lesbian," but also when he or she is no longer certain of being "heterosexual." By middle to late adolescence, the perception of "I am probably homosexual" begins to emerge. This stage might last anywhere from a month, a year, or in some cases, permanently. Factors responsible for this "confusion" include:

Altered perceptions of self, feelings of being sexually different;
Experiences of heterosexual and homosexual arousal and behavior;
Stigma surrounding homosexuality; the societal condemnation of homosexuality creates problems of guilt, secrecy, and difficulty in gaining access to other gay and lesbian people.
Inaccurate knowledge about homosexuals and homosexuality.

To help young people at this stage, they need to be made aware that gay and lesbian people exist and must be given accurate and current information about those who occupy the category to see the connections and similarities between their own desires and behaviors and those who label themselves as gay or lesbian. During this stage, the individual's confusion might result in one or a number of stigma-management strategies, sometimes referred to as forms of "internalized homophobia":

Denial of the "homosexual" component of their feelings, fantasies, or behaviors.
Repair involving attempts to rid themselves of same-sex feelings and behaviors. Professional psychiatric help is sometimes sought.
Avoidance can take a number of forms:
1. inhibition of behaviors or interests thought associated with homosexuality and with gay and lesbian people.
2. limiting exposure to members of the other sex to prevent peers and family from suspecting individual's relative lack of heterosexual desires.
3. avoidance of accurate information that would confirm to the individual her or his suspected gay or lesbian identity.
4. distancing through homophobic acts by ridiculing and/or attacking homosexuality and gay and lesbian people.
5. escapism through the use and abuse of chemical substances.
Redefining the meaning of the feelings, fantasies, or behaviors to the self: "I'm not really homosexual. I'm only passing through a phase." or "Gee, was I drunk." or "It only happened once." or "I'm probably bisexual."
Acceptance that feelings, fantasies, or behaviors are homosexual and the individuals seek out additional sources of information and gradual realization that "gay" and "lesbian" exist as valid social categories, which eventually begins to diminish sense of isolation.

Stage 3: Identity Assumption

For many, this stage occurs during or after late adolescence, when a "lesbian" or "gay" identity becomes both a self identity and a "presented identity" (one which one tells to others -- at least to other self-identified lesbian and gay people). This stage is emphasized by identity tolerance and acceptance, more frequent associations with other gay and lesbian people, sexual experimentation, and exploration into the lesbian and gay subculture. Contact with other gay and lesbian people provides the individual with models to learn effective strategies for stigma management, ways to legitimize his or her desires and behaviors to neutralize feelings of guilt, the range of identities and roles available to her or him, and the norms of conduct. There are a number of stigma management strategies evident at this stage.

Capitulation refers to the avoidance of same-sex activity due to an internalization of the social stigma associated with homosexuality. This avoidance coupled with a persistence of desire may lead to increased self-hatred and despair.
Individuals who use "minstrelization" express their identity in gender atypical ways, acting out the dominant culture's stereotypes of gays and lesbians.
While self defining as lesbian or gay, some attempt to "pass" as heterosexual to heterosexual peers, family, and co-workers. Passers lead "double lives" segregating their social worlds into heterosexual and homosexual hoping the two never meet.
Group alignment includes further submerging oneself within the gay and lesbian community, and in some cases, attempting to avoid the "straight" world as much as possible.

By the end of stage 3, people begin to accept themselves as gay or lesbian.

Stage 4: Commitment

Commitment involves a self-acceptance and comfort with a gay or lesbian identity and adopting this as a way of life. This has both 'internal" and "external" dimensions.

Internal: fusion of sexuality and emotionality into a significant whole; shift in the meanings attached to gay and lesbian identities from merely a form or behavior or sexuality to a state of being or a way of life; perception of the identity as a valid self-identity; expressed satisfaction with the identity; and increased happiness after self-defining as lesbian or gay.
External: enter same-sex love relationships; disclose identity to non-gays; shift stigma-management strategies.

Covering and blending appear to replace passing and group alignment at this stage in the coming-out process as stigma-management strategies. Those who cover are willing to acknowledge their identity, especially if asked, though they still may take great pains to keep it from surfacing, minimize the importance of their same-sex identity, or try to be viewed as "respectable."

People who blend behave in ways considered gender-appropriate or gender-conventional and neither announce nor deny their sexual identity to non-gay and lesbian people. They consider their identity to be irrelevant and cloak their private lives in a shroud of silence and secrecy.

Gays and lesbians who convert, not only destigmatize homosexuality and gay and lesbian people, but turn it into a mark of pride. For many, their goal is to eliminate homophobia through public education and political change.

* * * * *

Vivienne Cass proposes a "coming-out" model with six interconnecting stages: (9)

Stage 1: Identity Confusion

This is the "Who am I?" stage associated with the feeling that one is different from peers, accompanied by a growing sense of personal alienation. The person begins to be conscious of same-sex feelings or behaviors and to label them as such. It is rare at this stage for the person to disclose inner turmoil to others.

Writing about women experiencing this stage, one researcher states:

Acknowledgment of the sexual element of being different is often accompanied with feelings of denial, shame, anxiety, and ambivalence. This is a time of great dissonance and inner turmoil. A woman faces a conflict between the process of socialization, which teacher her that she will probably marry and have a family, and her feelings, which pull her toward wanting intimacy with other women. (10)

Suicide is the most extreme manifestation of such dissonance. Indeed, the majority of gay and lesbian suicides occur between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one. (11)

Stage 2: Identity Comparison

This is the rationalization or bargaining stage where the person thinks, "I may be a homosexual, but then again I may be bisexual," "Maybe this is just temporary," or, "My feelings of attraction are simply for just one other person of my own sex and this is a special case." There is a heightened sense of not belonging anywhere with the corresponding feeling that "I am the only one in the world like this."

The person has four options in reducing the feelings of alienation at this stage:

Reacts positively to being "different," which is seen as something desirable, though still presenting a public image of heterosexuality ("passing"). Four ways of using the passing strategy:
1. Avoiding threatening situations;
2. Controlling personal information -- presenting only select aspects of self;
3. Cultivating images of heterosexuality of asexuality;
4. "Role distancing," -- adopting a stance of detachment from anything "homosexual."
Accepts the "homosexual" meaning of one's behavior, but finds a homosexual self-image undesirable.
Accepts self as "homosexual" and behavior as having homosexual meaning, but views behavioral component as undesirable.
Sees self and behaviors as undesirable and wishes to change both.

Stage 3: Identity Tolerance

In this "I probably am a homosexual" stage, the person begins to contact other homosexuals (viewed as "something that has to be done") to counteract feelings of isolation and alienation, but merely tolerates rather than fully accepts a gay or lesbian identity. The feeling of not belonging with heterosexuals becomes stronger.

If contacts with homosexuals are negative (unrewarding), the person devalues the gay subculture. In the case, the person often reduces contacts with other gay and lesbian people, and/or attempts to inhibit all "homosexual" behaviors. Sometimes, with negative contacts, identity foreclosure can occur.

Positive contacts can have the effect of making other gay and lesbian people appear more significant and more positive to the person at this stage, leading to a more favorable sense of self and a greater commitment to a homosexual self-identity.

Stage 4: "Identity Acceptance"

There is continued and increased contact with other gay and/or lesbian people in this stage, where friendships start to form. The individual thus evaluates other lesbian and gay people more positively and accepts rather than merely tolerates a lesbian or gay self-image. The earlier questions of "Who am I?" and "Where do I belong?" have been answered.

Coping strategies for handling incongruity at this stage include continuing to pass as heterosexual, and limiting contacts with heterosexuals who threaten to increase incongruity (e.g. some family members and/or peers). The person can also selectively disclose a homosexual identity to significant heterosexuals.

Stage 5: "Identity Pride"

This is the "These are my people" stage where the individual develops an awareness of the enormous incongruity that exists between the person's increasingly positive concept of self as lesbian or gay and an awareness of society's rejection of this orientation. The person feels anger at heterosexuals and devalues many of their institutions (e.g. marriage, gender-role structures, etc.) The person discloses her or his identity to more and more people and wishes to be immersed in the gay or lesbian subculture consuming its literature, art, and other forms of culture.

For some at this stage, the combination of anger and pride energizes the person into action against perceived homophobia producing an "activist."

Stage 6: "Identity Synthesis"

The intense anger at heterosexuals -- the "them and us" attitude that may be evident in stage 5 -- softens at this stage to reflect a recognition that some heterosexuals are supportive and can be trusted. However, those who are not supportive are further devalued. There remains some anger at the ways that lesbians and gays are treated in this society, but this is less intense. The person retains a deep sense of pride but now comes to perceive less of a dichotomy between the heterosexual and gay and lesbian communities. A lesbian or gay identity becomes an integral and integrated aspect of the individual's complete personality structure.

* * * * *

Eli Coleman proposes an additional model to chart the coming-out process using five stages. Unlike the Troiden and Cass versions, this one focuses, in its later stages, on the formation of romantic attachments: (12)

Stage 1: "Pre-Coming Out"

At this stage, the individual is not conscious of same-sex feelings because of the strong defenses built up to keep such unwanted self-knowledge from reaching a conscious level. The person does feel, however, somehow different from others but does not understand the reasons for this.

Stage 2: "Coming Out"

At this stage the person comes to a conscious or semi-conscious acknowledgment of having same-sex thoughts or fantasies. During this period of great personal confusion, the person may disclose feelings to one or a few trusted individuals for external validation. Some people begin to make contacts with other individuals who identify as lesbian or gay and may avoid telling close friends, who are presumably heterosexual, and family members who may potentially reject them.

Stage 3: "Exploration"

During this stage, the person interacts more with other lesbians and/or gay males and "experiments" with a new sexual identity. Here the individual often develops improved interpersonal skills, which may result in a more positive self-image. Many people with same-sex orientations enter this period during adolescence. Many others who are not afforded this opportunity during their teenage years because of the social makeup of the culture, subsequently undergo a "developmental lag." Therefore, some gay and lesbian people do not enter their developmental adolescence until years after their chronological adolescence.

Stage 4: "First Relationship"

Following the period of sexual experimentation of Stage 3, the person may desire a more stable and committed relationship, which combines emotional and physical attraction. These relationships often do not last because they are frequently entered into before the basic tasks of coming-out and sexual exploration are completed.

Stage 5: "Integration"

This stage, where the public and private identities merge into one unified and integrated self-image, is ongoing and continuous and will last for the rest of the person's life. Relationships are often characterized by greater non-possessiveness, honesty, and mutual trust and can be more successful than first relationships. The person is better equipped to meet the problems and pressures of everyday life.

* * * * *

Young people are "coming out" of a closet of denial and fear at younger ages than ever before, due in large part to the support systems developed for and by them over recent years. The coming-out experience for many people involves an interactive process between the individual and her or his environment, beginning often with a general awareness of being somehow different, through denial, tolerance, acceptance, and, in may cases, to identity integration. As the person tells others of her or his emerging sexual identity, parents, other family members, and peers often enter a "coming-to-terms" process of their own.

Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) -- a national support network -- has identified a developmental stage model charting this process in its brochure, "How To Come Out to Parents". It must be emphasized, however, that this model depicts general patterns, which may not be applicable in all instances:

SHOCK: Sometimes this is the initial reaction, lasting anywhere from a few minutes to many weeks. Not every parent or friend experiences this, but many do, especially those who had no idea of the person's emerging sexual identity.
DENIAL: Denial is often a reaction people use to protect themselves from something painful or frightening, and may be brief or last a long time. There are many types of denial: hostility, rejection, not caring, and refusing to register the information. Denial often is the result, in part, of the person's assumption that homosexuality and bisexuality are abnormal or sick, and/or by the person's assumption that the person coming out is heterosexual.
GUILT: Since some parents and friends perceive homosexuality, bisexuality, or transgenderism as problems, they may at some point "blame" themselves, and may even ask themselves or others "What did I do wrong?"
FEELINGS EXPRESSED: At some point after the person "comes out," parents, other family members, or friends express their feelings, sometimes anger or hurt. At times, what a friend, sibling, or parent may say may seem mean, even cruel. The fact that they are expressing feelings openly, however, means they are in some sense agreeing to stay in relationship to the person coming out.
PERSONAL DECISION MAKING: Emotions will slow down with a degree of rationality returning. The parent, other family member, or friend may enter a period of retreat to consider this new information, and to deal with their options. Several kinds of decisions are typical:
1. constant conflict with all issues about the person coming out, viewed as related to the person's sexual orientation/identity,
2. continuing to love and care about the person coming out while making it clear they would rather not discuss the topic of sexual orientation/identity any further,
3. continuing to love and care about the person coming out, and to learn how to be actively supportive,
TRUE ACCEPTANCE: As "c." above suggests, some parents, other family members, and friends will reach the stage of continuing to love and care about the person coming out, and understand that that person's uniqueness includes her or his sexual orientation/identity. People at this stage sometime speak out against the oppression lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people face.

NOTES

Crooks, Robert, and Baur, Karla, Our Sexuality, Connie Spatz, ed., New York: Benjamin Cummings Publishing Company, 1990; and Bidwell, R.J., "The Gay and Lesbian Teen: A Case of Denied Adolescence," in "Journal of Pediatric Health Care, 2 (1): 3-8, 1988.
American Psychological Association, "Minutes of the Council of Representatives," in American Psychologist, 30:633, 1975.
Sears, J. Attitudes, Experiences, and Feelings of Guidance Counselors about Working with Homosexual Students, Paper presented at the American Educational Research Association, New Orleans, 1988. (ERIC Document No. 296210).
Sears, J., Personal Feelings and Professional Attitudes of Prospective Teachers toward Homosexuality and Homosexual Students: Research Findings and Curriculum Recommendations, Paper presented at the American Educational Research Association, San Francisco. (ERIC Document No. 312222)
Dressler, J, "Survey of School Principals Regarding Alleged Homosexual Teachers in the Classroom: How Likely (Really) is a Discharge?, University of Dayton Law Review, 10 (3): pp. 599-620, 1985; Fisher, T., A Study of Educators' Attitudes toward Homosexuality, Doctoral Dissertation, University of Virginia, Charlottesville, 1982. (Dissertation Abstracts International, 43, 10, 3294A); Griffin, P., From Hiding Out to Coming Out: Empowering Lesbian and Gay Educators, Journal of Homosexuality, 22 (3/4): pp. 167-196, 1992; Price, J., High School Students' Attitudes Toward Homosexuality, Journal of School Health, 52 (8): pp. 469-474, 1982; Sears, J., Educators, Homosexuality, and Homosexual Students: Are Personal Feelings Related to Professional Beliefs?, in Coming Out of the Classroom Closet, ed. K. Harbeck, New York: Haworth Press, 39, 1992, Smith, D., An Ethnographic Interview Study of Homosexual Teachers' Perspectives, Doctoral Dissertation, State University of New York, Albany, 1985. (Dissertation Abstracts International, 46, 1,66A.)
Some of the following material is reprinted from: Blumenfeld, Warren J., & Raymond, Diane, Looking at Gay and Lesbian Life, Boston: Beacon Press, 1988, 1993.
This list compiled by Arthur Lipkin, Harvard School of Education, and Warren J. Blumenfeld, Social Justice Education Program, University of Massachusetts - Amherst.
Troiden, Richard R., The Formation of Homosexual Identities, in Gay and Lesbian Youth, Gilbert Herdt (ed.), Harrington Park Press, 1989.
Cass, Vivienne, Homosexual Identity Formation: A Theoretical Model, Journal of Homosexuality, New York: Hawthorn Press, (1979) 4.
Lewis, Lou Ann, The Coming-Out Process for Lesbians: Integrating a Stable Identity, Journal of the National Association of Social Workers, (1984) 29:5.
Pollak, M., Male Homosexuality, in Western Sexuality, ed. P. Aries and A. Bejin, New York: Blackwell, 1985, pp. 40-61.
Coleman, Eli, Developmental Stages of the Coming Out Process, Journal of Homosexuality, New York: Hawthorn Press, (1981-2) 7(2/3).


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